Switched at Birth: Johnny has Gone for a Soldier

I fell a little behind while on vacation, but thank godddd Switched at Birth picked right up where it left off! Bay and Ty are getting nekkid on the floor (I can see a couch in the background, kids. I know it looks hot to have sex on the floor, but seriously…couches are also a classic.) and damn Ty has some large musclely shoulders. I don’t think they’ve actually introduced Ty properly. All we really know is that he’s like Daphne’s older brother and is so far a pretty stand up boyfriend.

Who apparently doesn’t keep condoms on hand at all times. Very unlike all the teenagers I knew growing up. Whether we were having sex or not, we always had random condoms hanging around, just for fun. (If the Alto Posse site were not now defunct, there would be a whole page linked here on what to do with expired condoms.) Anyway, this is still ABC Family, so they decide to just make out in Ty’s truck until next time, and get interrupted by John Kennish. Oops.

The Kennish’s, however, have apparently never caught their daughter making out before, because they are completely discombobulated with how to deal with this. Kathryn Kennish questions out loud why Bay was out until 3 A.M. and then continues her train of thought to start to ask Bay if they were having sex, but is immediately cut off by both Bay and her father, who, frankly, is just not ready for this.

They decide the best punishment is to actually pay attention to Bay for once, although she’s convinced it’s just because Ty’s from the wrong side of the tracks and doesn’t have parents who golf. Actually Ty seems to not have parents at all.

I’m curious as to what the root of Bay’s boho socialist self-righteous rebellion is. She doesn’t seem to have any controversial influences in her life, but her graffiti and frequent observations about classist bigotry seem to indicate that maybe she was inspired by Kat Stratford once.

Bruce sends flowers to the Kennish’s instead of Regina. Gee, it’s no wonder this guy cheated on three wives and got caught every time. He clearly sucks at this. Kathryn tries to order Regina not to have torrid sex in her guesthouse with her best friend’s cheating ex-husband.


She is right about those curtains. Also, notice how her napkins are color-coordinated to go with her appliances and cutting board! Is that fruit purely decorative, or does she only buy food that goes with the color scheme?

Regina’s bad reputation does not get better the next day when they’re doing laundry together. Kathryn asks if she thinks Bay and Ty are even thinking about having sex and Regina says, “Have you seen Ty without a shirt on?” What a cougar.

This is the Sex Talk Episode! For the record, I really love Sex Talk Episodes. Friday Night Light’s “I Think We Should Have Sex” and “The Giving Tree” are two of the series’ best episodes. Seth and Summer’s sexual misadventures in that Valentine’s Day OC ep were hilarious but sad, and one of Summer’s more touching moments. This episode continues that tradition. First, John Kennish tries to have a “don’t have sex in your boyfriend’s truck” talk with Bay, but quickly discovers he isn’t ready for it and earmuffs himself.

Kathryn’s isn’t bad. She’s no Tammy Taylor, but she gives it probably about as straight up as she can manage. Except she leads with, “Sex isn’t just rose petals and waffles in bed…”

Hold the phone.


Why hasn’t anyone ever brought me waffles in bed!? Is this a thing for straight people? That just sounds so deliciously luxurious…mmm…wafflesssss

What? I think I blacked out for a sec.

Kathryn trying to talk to Bay about foreplay ends any touching moment that was about to happen though, and Bay runs away, thoroughly grossed out.

She runs into Daphne, whose storyline kind of sucks this week. First, she was moping around because Bay and Emmett both hate that she was dating Liam, so she broke up with him. Desperate, she tries to hang out with Toby, who is going mini-golfing. Except what is this? Little Toby is actually lying and mini-golf is code for a poker game with some other trust fund babies. Daphne reveals that deaf people are good at picking up non-verbal queues on people, and Toby quickly enlists her and Emmett to help him cheat. Except they don’t get it right away. They’re like…really shocked that he would suggest it. Are the people in the non-hearing world really that much better than the rest of us that these two managed to get this old while still being so naive? I don’t really buy it. Daphne supposedly grew up in a really tough neighborhood, and it’s not like Regina hides the truth.

Inconsistent writing. This doesn’t fit with the characters’ storyline. Poor Daphne keeps getting jerked around. Is she a vegetarian or is she eating Liam’s shrimp?

Also, great use of the word “heist.”

Bay tries to tell Daphne not to go. Toby has a gambling problem and Bay’s had to bail him out before. Daphne is torn because that sounds bad on the one hand, but on the other hand she promised…plus she’s still not loving Bay right now. Rebel child that she is, she lies to Kathryn and leaves.

The people at Toby’s poker game are dicks, but they let Daphne and Emmett join for “diversity.” This prompts an outburst from the one black kid, but they rag him down because he drives a hummer. This is pretty much exactly the kind of race humor that went on in my high school, except theirs falls flat a little. This whole side storyline was pretty sloppily written. Daphne and Emmett are shocked that playing poker costs money. For two kids who swore they were practically poker superheroes, they know seem to know shockingly little about the game culture. I think a more believable way of putting this would be to have them be surprised by the vast quantity of money required to buy in, not that there was a buy-in. Some shows (Skins, ahem) you can tell, the writers handle every nuance with kid gloves. They pretty much used spray paint on this one though.

Bay has Ty over for dinner, per her parents’ orders, but it’s not going great. First, Daphne ditched her to help Toby, and then Regina leaves for her date, so now it’s just the Kennish’s and Ty, alone, eating chili. John starts to get on his case about not going to college, getting laid off, and having no plan, but turns out that Ty does  have a plan: he’s joining the army!

Poor Bay is shocked, but she pretends like she knew already. Nothing escapes the notice of the wily Kathryn Kennish though. Not sneaky Mexicans who don’t want to sue the hospital, not skanky Mexicans who want to have sex in her guest house, and not her daughter’s stricken face when she finds out her boyfriends leaves for Basic on Thursday.

Poor girl is heartbroken. Ty and Regina seem to think this is because she doesn’t understand that the army is a good option for guys with nothing. The vibe I got (until they actually said those words) was that Bay was upset that he’s leaving, betrayed because he didn’t tell her, and heartbroken because she probably did actually love him. This whole class issue doesn’t really fit with the rest of the scene.

Daphne is still helping Toby cheat, trying to get him out of debt. Emmett took off long ago, being fed up with Toby treating him like a trained monkey. Daphne is still trying to forge some kind of bond with her brother, so she gamely tries to help him take down the jackass. Unfortunately, she gets the last hand wrong, Toby goes all in, and loses everything to a full house. Seriously, what did you expect when Daphne was surprised they play for money?

Toby is pissed. Nevermind that he’s a shitty poker player who relies on his little sister to cheat for him. He gives Daphne a fierce but misdirected tongue-lashing and storms off to pawn his guitar.

Ty texts Bay that he has to see her. On her way out, she runs into Regina, who is returning from her own sexytime. Regina gives her yet another sex talk, but instead of oversharing or relying on cliches, she simply tells Bay that no matter what she decides to do tonight, it won’t stop Ty from leaving.

So Bay brings Ty her graffiti girl to take with him wherever he goes. He starts to tell her something, but she cuts him off. It’s too hard, she says. If he brings out “the Big L” she will be so mad at him. If he doesn’t, she will be crushed. She needs him to not say anything at all. He volunteers that he did actually have a condom the other night (I knew it!) and they start making out, but Bay can’t. She runs home to her mother. Not so grown up yet after all.

Goodbye Ty! I’ll miss your shoulders.


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