Dance Amongst Daggers! (Boy these titles…they really make you think!)

Daphne and Liam’s first date!

It’s cute – I know I kind of hated on Liam a little last episode, but I’m willing to cut him a break for now. The show is young, the characters are developing…can’t write him off yet as a total prick. They’re discussing what they would do when the zombie apocalypse comes, and Daphne tells him that while he’s gathering food and water, she’s going to take advantage of her 2nd amendment rights (Thanks, Paul Revere! 😉 )  and steal it all. I knew she got the Republican genes.

Liam thinks it’s cute though (and it is) and starts comparing her to his last girlfriend (not cute. Don’t whine about past relationships on the first date – it just makes you look petty and possibly bitter). And since we like Bay, this puts Liam back on our bad side. Daphne stopped listening at “girlfriend” though, so she still thinks he’s swell.

Bay is also on her mother’s bad side, apparently, since her mom decides that she needs to store all of her shit in her least favorite child’s barn while she hosts a massive fundraiser. And Bay, I did like you, I really did, but this pouty display of “ohnoes, my freaking barn is going to be temporarily full of boxes to accommodate a charity event” was a little sickening. But judging from some very wealthy former roommates of mine, also true to life. Her mom invites Daphne, who asks if her new bf can come, and of course he can come! What’s his name? Liam? There are LASERS OF HATE coming out of Bay’s eyes.

<hate lasers>

But you know, it’s cool. She totally dumped him and whatevs, she’s dating Ty.

Daphne: “My Ty!?”

Bay: “No, My Ty.”

Boom.

Emmett is even less subtle about his disapprobation of Daphniam, but he tries to hide it by acting vaguely homosexually while attempting to cockblock her. Liam’s damaged goods. He’ll “always be Bay’s.”

Kid, you’re 16, not an idiot. Stop saying stupid shit like that before you become just another horny best friend male stock character.

This scene just made me squeeee!!!!!! Regina asks Marlee Matlin to be her plus one to the fundraiser, and Marlee immediately agrees, and tells Regina that she and “Cameron” are separating. And then my mind takes off to a place where Marlee Matlin and Regina fall madly in love and have a complicated beautiful relationship and abc family hits another big lesbian home run.

Seriously, perve a little harder at her boobs.

Unfortunately, Emmett and Daphne come home, and they all decide to peer pressure Daphne into not “going” with Liam. Even though he’ll be there. And Bay just picked a big public fight with him at school. And pretty much everyone is all up in their business anyway.

Except, no, everyone REALLY is up in their business – bringing some big Kansas City lifestyle reporter to the fundraiser!

Daphne is a little down because she doesn’t feel very fancy in her old threadbare party dress, and Regina tries to cheer her up by reminder her that she is a strong Latina woman. Except not really…anymore. But watching Marlee watch Regina in the mirror sent shivers of lesbian subtext up my arm.

Gah she’s pretty.

Ok, it’s party time, and Marlee definitely just pulled down Regina’s dress for maximum cleavage effect. And then gave said cleavage a good long perve. Is this really happening? Oh sweet merciful gods, my subtext-addled mind is a delicate thing.

Liam responding to Daphne’s sign language with, “What does that even mean?” is hilarious.

Toby’s drummer’s mom found porn on his computer, so it’s Emmett to the rescue! Do people really ground kids for having porn these days? From his drummer perch, he stares Daphne down like he’s hunting her down, watching her get sucked into the hearing world and leaving him behind. Bay doesn’t miss the drama though, which is good because Ty is still refusing to come.

Turns out Emmett kicks ass, and Toby’s voice…I was not prepared for Toby’s voice. It’s so hilarious and…musical sounding! Ok that sounds weird, but it’s high and airy and then he tries to throw in a rock snarl and it’s pretty cute and amazing. I’m always a sucker for a tough boy in skinny jeans. But oh god not like that.

There’s hormone drama amongst the adults as well. Regina’s getting hit on by Turk’s wife’s ex, and Marlee and John are hitting it off as well. Yeah, if I decked Roger Clemens, I’d totally use that to get ass too. Regina walks in on them and gives a look…in my mind the look is “Marlee I love you! Stop flirting with this nasty old married guy and sweep me off my feet!” In reality, the look is probably the more mundane “Marlee, stop flirting with the married man who somehow fathered both of my daughters.”

Bitch please, you got yo nerve.

A pretty girl tries to hit on Emmett after the show, but his deafness freaks her out a little. Sad. And also, maybe this means that he isn’t jealous of Liam in a romantic way – he just doesn’t want to be left behind.

Melody!! Marlee’s character’s name is Melody! And Turk’s wife’s name is Denise!! This scene is a treasure trove of vital character information.

Emmett flips out at Daphne for trying to fit in and not being herself and storms off. Aww I hope these two work it out.

Bay finally catches up to Daphne, but before she can finish ripping her a new one for trying to steal her life, Daphne bitch slaps her with a “Liam was right” remark. I would say ouch, but Bay comes right back with, “Yeah, well, I boned your boyfriend, and he’ll come back to me once he finds out what a frigid virgin you are.” Or something like that.

Regina decides that until Melody realizes she’s a lesbian, she can have dinner with Denise’s ex.

Bay apparently hit a nerve because Daphne leads with, “Well, if you weren’t watching zombie movies or eating fried zucchini, what were you doing with her, hmmm??” But after he dodges the question, she breaks up with him because she’s nice. Well that was kinda lame, Daphne.

MELODRAMATIC JAR OF HEARTS!? Come on, what is this, Glee?? Sorry, I mean, what is this, Pretty Little Liars?? Aren’t there like 200 songs EXACTLY like this one that you could put on this show? But Ty does look good cutting through the crowd in his suit to come take Bay away. Because that’s what she really needed – not for him to be with her, but for him to whisk her away.

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